Thanksgiving is around the corner so church was really focused around the things we have to be thankful for. In our Sunday school class, one guy said that he was really thankful for his kids and the tremendous blessing they bring to his life and I even said out loud - it's so great you can say that!! It is sometimes hard for me to feel that way about Ian. I do remember feeling a little bit like this with Josh when he was this age (which is the year Brian and I got married) but I sometimes just chalked it up to the fact that he had some tremendous life changes that year - Brian and I got married, we moved to Singapore, etc. I guess when I really think about it, though, so has Ian. He had a baby sister be born and we moved - his first move to really feel like he was leaving something behind. There are just days when I really think I'm not sure I like him very much! Please don't judge me on this one because I do love him and when it's just him and me it's better but otherwise he can't stand to not be part of the conversation or limelight. I'll be talking with Josh when he gets in the car in the afternoons (after just having 30 minutes with Ian talking about his day) and Ian wants to interrupt and change the subject or tell me something very small (I know, to a 7 year old the small things are big things but you know what I mean). At dinner we many times have to force him to be quiet and eat or no one else can get a word in. His overflowing energy just gets us upset and frustrated with him. Yesterday afternoon we finally let him play playstation just so we could have a moments peace! Am I a terrible mother to feel this way? I continue to tell myself it's just a phase, it will pass but what if I don't make it!!!! :) He can be so sweet, smart and thoughtful one moment and the next I'm yelling at him to just be quiet for a minute!! I am thankful for my kids and I do know they are a blessing from the Lord and I do tell myself that all the time when I'm at my wits end with him.
Dear Lord, Thank you for your patience with me when I won't just be quiet and listen to you!! Thank you for your grace and for allowing me to vent to you about my frustrations - knowing that you feel the same way about your people. I pray that I would love as only you can and that I will show that love to my children even when I'm not really feeling "the love." In Your name I pray. Amen.
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2 comments:
It is an age thing, Joy. You know Ian means well and he's just full of energy. My son drives me crazy everyday, but I have no idea what it's like to be a boy...thank goodness! I do, however, have my own personal issues with my 2-year old daughter! Her mood swings are driving me up the wall. Hmmm...the apple doesn't fall far from the tree?
Hang in there! For me, it was Tobin at around 3-4 years of age. Yikes--does that mean we have to go through it again when he turns 7?! I was realizing recently how much I enjoy being around my kids, so I guess I'd better hang on to that feeling, because I know it can change when the kids change! :-) At least God's love for us doesn't depend on whether we're driving Him crazy or not, eh?!
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